Okay so how did my recent musical experiences really go?

So, does anyone want to know about my recent musical experiences?


Well, I’ll tell you anyways.

Music is something I enjoy immensely. Playing, listening, performing, you name it, I love it. And perhaps most important to me – I enjoy getting my own music out there for people to listen to. It’s something I rank up there with sex, good food, and working out.

But somehow over the last few months, it’s become a case where what I enjoy had become my own personal nightmare, for a number of reasons.

Months ago, I was asked to perform for an ensemble group of a non-Caucasian background. I had actually performed for this band some years ago as one of its ‘core’ members, and had also performed for it during the middle-half of the last decade. Initially I was asked to play on a handful of songs, and was told that all the songs had chords worked out. I simply had to come in and play. Despite my instincts telling me otherwise, I went for it.

I posted about this before, but now I'd like to provide some more detail, as, well ...let's just say you might be able to sense some patterns.
How naïve I was. Or more like age and time had made me forget the reasons why I stayed away from this whole scene.

Within five minutes of walking into the first rehearsal, I was treated like a consultant in an IT company. I felt like I was treated like a dumb terminal whose job is to just execute when called. Except, none of the chords for most of the 20+ songs were actually worked out. The fellow who was initially playing guitar and bass – while a nice guy - wasn’t able to come up with the correct chords for the majority of songs. And none of the other musicians were able to do the same.

So, I took it upon myself to help the cause by working that out on the majority of songs. I should’ve known that in doing so, I’d be open to criticism and arguing over whether what I was coming up with was correct. I didn’t mind that, so long as we resolved the issues and moved on. But some folks were in a mood to keep attacking, arguing and keep criticizing – a part of me thinks they were threatened by someone who had been there before, who knew what they were doing, who was pretty good at this stuff, suddenly telling them that what they were doing was wrong and so forth. It seems after all these years, the disease of ‘Leadsingeritis’ has claimed another band. On top of that apart from a couple of people, no one was really taking any initiative to be on time, to make an effort to really practice. Some even took the opportunity to goof off, make jokes.

While a lot of what I describe is cultural, in my mind it was dishonorable and disrespectful to people like me who were sincerely trying to make an effort and putting on the best performance possible. My view - as selfish as it has been deemed - was that regardless of all the planning, marketing, song selection – they are important – none of all those other things mean much if our performance on stage as a band sucks.

But no one seemed to want to really listen to me when I’d raise an issue over something. Okay one other person was concerned, but this person though a vocalist, was not someone who played an instrument, or performed percussion. And, the person only sang a limited number of songs. Whereas I was being drawn into every single song, and now being held accountable for when the song went wrong, or didn’t sound like the recordings. Of course one reason for this was we were lowering the scales on some tunes because some singers couldn’t be bothered to make an effort. On top of all this, whenever I made a mistake - which were admittedly numerous- or could not play a part, I felt like they were on me like a shadow (“Were the chords right?” “You missed something”. “That’s not there”. Etc.). Of course my own limitations in my playing opened up the opportunity for others to say “Hey, we’ll just play that on keyboards”, with the subtle implication that I wasn’t good enough.

Now let’s be honest - a part of me knows they were right to a large extent. At the same time, I never advertised myself as someone who can play guitar solos, but somehow that’s the standard I was now being held to. On top of that, most of the songs actually featured 2-3 guitar parts going at the same time. In that context, there were a number of songs where people were (now) suddenly playing Monday morning quarterback and now willing to have the parts played on keys or so forth. I suspect this was because they could see how limited a musician I really was, and that meant I could be attacked. Which of course makes me look like a complete fool on stage – it’s kind of dumb to be a guitar player on stage and having parts being played by some other player on a completely different instrument. That’s like a singer being onstage and pretending to sing, while a process is actually doing the work (hey now – isn’t that how auto-tune works?!).

It didn’t help that I didn’t speak the language, and wasn’t a native resident of the country. Maybe I’ve been just acutely paranoid all my life, but it was hard to escape the feeling that once again, I’m being treated like an outsider. This is how it felt at the time, as it had many times before.

And of course, when it came to the day of the show, I was being admonished for having a buzz in my amp on stage. Never mind that I told the sound guy to run the signal from the effects unit, not the amp. Of course, then pretty much the whole band looked at me, as if I was the problem.

Then the show finally started. Of course I could’ve used more practice and been more prepared. I had fun, but listening to the recordings afterwards (not to mention seeing the pictures of myself) made me cringe.

So after reading through that whole diatribe – you’d think probably a couple of things –

• Why put myself through this – what was the point?

• Will I have learned anything from this?

Regarding the first question - Maybe I enjoy being abused, embarrassed and constantly being told I’m wrong. I think I did it because after the recent experience of being treated like a living piece of shit in front of my own family by a fucking useless excuse of a human being, I felt mentally and emotionally I needed to get back to doing something (well anything) that made me feel somewhat better about myself. At the time, I felt that was music. In retrospect, what I should’ve been concentrating on was my own music, as opposed to something I didn’t create. But at the time, I felt in order to move forward with that, I needed other musicians, and in order to get access to those, I needed to get myself out there, establish a good playing reputation, and make a name for myself. I think that while I succeeded in some respects, there were others where I didn’t.

Which leads to the second one – No, I clearly didn’t learn anything.

Why?

Because right after this guess what? I did another type of show, with another band, and had pretty much the same experience. Admittedly I got this show because of my performance from this last one. And while the experience was similar, one key difference was that the bandleader was a nice guy, and was willing to listen to me without prejudice. While I had similar stress levels, my role was largely bass playing. Plus we did a number of songs where I could actually sing back-up, and had a great time.

The unfortunate side-effect of that was … when the original band came back and said they wanted to perform another show for a different organization, I was stoked from this show such that, I think I was blinded to the risky nature of what was actually being proposed. Not to mention that the concert was actually the last event listing of show events being presented. There would be no drums. There would be no ethnic percussion. So the idea came to use songs from the previous year’s performance as filler (all the chords were there, I was told – you’d think a red flag would’ve gone off in my head; it did, but I ignored it), while doing a few songs from the last show. It sounded good in email, and I conditionally accepted. I was only available for a limited number of practices. Plus I assumed their chords would be useable for this show.



I was wrong on both counts. Yeah I don't learn.

Of course the fucking chords weren’t correct. I’m not knocking people who worked on them – they did their best. But the bottom line was, they weren’t coherent enough to be able to perform for the show. On top of that, someone in the band decided to sneak in a couple of new songs.

I was told there’d be no pressure on me. That is, any parts I could not play, they’d just pick up on keyboards or whatever. As if that somehow was supposed to make me feel better – remember that who bit about being on stage looking like a total idiot while someone else is playing (recall the auto-tune comparison)?

But what can I say? I accepted before actually verifying the quality of chords and work involved. It was a classic bait-and-switch routine, and I fell for it. I didn’t think it right to suddenly turn around and withdraw.

And of course, once again, despite the chords being written by someone else, despite not knowing all the songs fully, who were they turning to figure things out, to complain when things were not sounding right? Why me of course!

I did decide to do something different though.

I’d been so negative about the whole thing, that I was reminded that I should spend less time being so critical, and more time being positive and accepting about what people can and will do. And in doing so, I should spend more time improving my own abilities and attitudes towards others, instead of being constantly upset and stressed about it. And I was – to a certain point.

But wait, there’s more!

Because of my apparent outsider status, I was not allowed any input into the sequence. Had they done so, I would’ve inquired about the other events being performed before us. The reason was that these events and their results would set the tone for the audience gauge on how well they’d receive our concert. Because of a number of delays in the sound check, and the organizers allowing an unprofessional dance troupe to prance on-and on, despite not being organized, we went on much later than expected. And on top of that, a % of the audience had left due to impatience. What group remained wasn’t very receptive to our initial numbers, which were not of the energetic/dance variety. So in the end, we cut a number of songs. On top of all that …

On one of the songs, the singer had a ‘someone-else’ singing backup, who wasn’t going to be at this show. Beforehand he expressed that he was concerned about singing alone. When I asked him what could be done to help him, he suggested if someone else could sing the backup, that’d ease his stress. So I offered to do it.

Right before we started the song, I went up to the microphone to sing. I was greeted by some not-so-friendly non-amusement by some of the other singers who were standing there to do other things - except actually sing. But in the end, I ended up singing backup. Sure the sound wasn’t the greatest, but I think it went okay. That singer was very grateful.

However I suspect this has created an impression in many of the band members’ minds that I was trying to ape their routine. As a result, some band members have basically refused to speak to me since. Ironically that actual singer in question was grateful.

So what have I really accomplished, other than look stupid on stage, play things incorrectly, be disliked by band members, and worst of all, not focus on my own musical development?

...

I’ve been told that with these kinds of bands, they are like ‘family’. That is, it’s expected that people act a certain way, but in the end, they come together for a cause, and they stick through it.

The problem I have with this is that’s never ever been my experience. And what does ‘family’ have to do with it? It seems to me that term is just being used as a way to protect ignorant and stupid behavior; often times people like me end up on the receiving end for. And it goes back to not being a native resident or speaker of the languages in question. In a lot of peoples’ minds (I suspect) I’m not a real native, and therefore not worthy of this kind of familial kinship. I see it as they treat me more like the family butler or chauffeur, or worse, and untouchable.

Maybe I should finally wake up and finally learn from all these experiences. I’m not a saint; I don’t claim I’ve acted perfectly. But not being a saint doesn’t excuse the crappy behavior directed at me. Maybe I should finally realize that the respect and attention I want isn’t going to happen in these areas.

It’s really frustrating though. While I’ve gone down the path of writing again, I’ve fallen short of my goals, despite having a number of ideas to collect from. And that’s the problem – I’ve failed to use the tools I have in front of me to better use. Instead of documenting only finished songs in one journal, what I should be doing is keeping 2nd journal and placing all my ideas in one place, for use in documenting them in the 1st one.



So, perhaps all is not lost.



And … there’s still a chance I might finally learn some lessons and take them to heart.



We’ll see.

...

Why does this all matter? Am I self-absorbed? Do I suffer from some sort of martyr complex? Aren’t there more important things in life?

I suppose it matters because it’s something I enjoy. And more importantly, despite all the troubles and responsibilities in life that I have to continually attend to and be accountable for, music is something that makes me feel good. I feel like I’m accomplishing something.

I likely am somewhat self-absorbed. A part of me though looks at it as being proud of what one has, and what one can do. I guess a part of me believes that I do have some talent and some skills and some interests and desires and drive such that I think I have what it takes to succeed making my life better through it. I’ve written enough songs such that I know can do it.

I admit that I’ve gone through such experiences as described above enough times that you’d think I’d be more wary. And maybe I’ve done these things because a part of me feels it’s in a small way an opportunity to get closer to the culture I otherwise have been alien to.

Sure there are important things in life. Sure there are things in this life that need that attention I mentioned a moment ago. I always remind myself that you can never get that moment back, that you should always play that chord, that riff, sing that line, beat that drum as if it’s your best and our last. It’s that kind of intensity and passion that I strive for. I cannot stop global warming alone. I cannot achieve world peace alone. I cannot stop hatred from spreading, or war from destroying alone.

But perhaps through things I love, things I enjoy, I’d be in a better position in my own life to better address those kinds of issues, perhaps with other like-minded people.

Perhaps there is a better way. Perhaps it’s not too late to find that. But in the end, I feel that what makes you happy, what you strive to pursue, what brings people together to solve our problems and in turn, make our collective existence happier in better, makes it all worthwhile.

An interesting entry to read.

Very important too, since it has much to do with reading itself, and its electronic future -

http://welcomebacktopottersville.blogspot.com/2011/10/collusion-continuum.html#links

Fucking assholes at Amazon.

Yeah, that's what I always suspected.

http://www.fair.org/blog/2011/10/28/the-nonconspiratorial-worldview-of-michael-gordon/

Wow, this Gordon guy sure comes off as a closeted right-winger, doesn't he?

Gordon calmly explains, free of a conspiratorial mind-set, that Iran/Contra was just an operation "to open a private channel to the new leadership in Tehran and to generate secret profits that could be sent to Nicaraguan rebels. " You know, the way any superpower funnels support to a terrorist group. No big deal.

Priceless.

But wait - there's more!

The Glaspie meeting with Hussein has been pretty well-known for years. As FAIR pointed out in 1991, Glaspie's apparent message to Hussein was that the United States would not actively object to Iraq invading Kuwait.


One of the WikiLeaks cables that was recently released covered that meeting. And from that account, it's not clear that Saddam Hussein misread anything. As Harvard professor Stephen Walt wrote back when the cable was released:

a careful reading of the cable suggests that Saddam could have easily interpreted Glaspie's conversation, along with other statements by U.S. officials, as a sign that the United States was not strongly committed to protecting Kuwait."

Gee, I wonder how anyone could misinterpret "an Iraqi attack on Kuwait would not draw a U.S. military response." ? More like bold-faced lying to me.

Peak Oil

I should be ashamed of myself for not following some of the blogs I list on my site.

Here's a gem of a picture -



Source: Transition Canada Blog.

Fuck - why?

Does the American media have any original ideas in terms of what entertains filmgoers?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thing_(2011_film)

Oh but wait, this is a prequel to the actual remake. That makes everything alright then.

It's times like this I wish I went to film school. I have lots of ideas, but know nothing about how to turn them into finished stories which can be filmed.

The disconnection in a story, and the distortion of reality it presents.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Muammar_Gaddafi

On the one hand ... the United States and France had a clear role in what happened .... (items noted in bold below)

On the morning of Thursday, 20 October, Gaddafi made a last-ditch attempt to escape in a convoy. At 8:30 a.m.^[4] the convoy of vehicles carrying Gaddafi and his army chief Abu-Bakr Yunis Jabr was hit by a French Air Force air strike about 3 kilometres (2 mi) west of Sirte, killing dozens of loyalist fighters. The convoy was also hit by a United States Air Force Predator drone, which fired a Hellfire missile in conjunction with the French attack.^[5] French Defense Minister Gérard Longuet stated that the French forces fired a warning shot that stopped the convoy's escape, but did not destroy it.^[6]

On the other hand ....

·          France – President Nicolas Sarkozy called Gaddafi's death a milestone in the Libyan people's battle "to free themselves from the dictatorial and violent regime that was imposed on them for more than 40 years."^[23]

Dictatorial and violent? Didn't we see just a moment ago that the French were involved in the operations that led to this guy's death?

But wait, it gets better...

·          United States – President Barack Obama gave a press conference, confirming the death of Gaddafi, and said that "the shadow of tyranny over Libya has been lifted", but also added "we're under no delusions; Libya has a long and winding road ahead of it towards democracy."^[33]

Yeah, launching drone missiles isn't tyranny?

Look, I never liked the guy. For as long as I can remember he was pretty much a dictator and a lunatic. That's not the point though.

What makes what these two countries' action any less than what's described? Frankly I see the hypocrisy of the whole affair will largely be lost on most folks.

(Note - this is based on the story in it's current state from the link above. I'm sure over time, this will have changed, and all for be forgotten).

How nice: Blogger helps bloggers with ... a blog!

http://knownissues.blogspot.com/

Gold star for them.

Too bad it doesn't help me - I still can't post to my blog with my gucci smart(ish)phone due to bx-related errors.

The new arms race

As if the previous ones weren't enough.

http://www.thenation.com/article/163923/cyber-arms-race-has-begun

Individuals, companies and governments are constantly under cyberattacks whose origins are uncertain at best and usually unknown. The great majority of these are opportunistic. Hackers send out viruses that report back to them when they have entered a computer whose owner has failed to install or update antivirus security systems. But just as it is hard to identify where the attack is coming from, it is also very difficult to know why it is happening.

Those bastards at ALEC are at it again

http://www.prwatch.org/news/2011/10/11053/alec-and-coca-cola-classic-collaboration

Priceless bonus comment -

"Let's keep in mind that we are paying for this in the form of crop subsidies as well - high-fructose corn syrup needs a purpose after our government pays our farmers to produce nothing but this nutritionally-void commodity. What a better way to use all that surplus than to supply the beverage industry with it's main ingredient? Subsidies to provide us with a "totally unessecary and worthless product". "

My new favorite escape site.

http://www.beatlesbible.com/

It's a very well-done site, and it's clear the owner has a great love of all things related to The Beatles. It's very in-depth, but at the same time, very easy of just about anyone to begin learning about them.

I don't care what anyone says. Just about any variation on pop and rock can be traced back to them. And while many can claim that Elvis was the first true rock 'n roll star - while he was a great singer and performer - The Beatles were both that, plus the originators and performers of the music they created.

This site details all that, and more.

Check it out some time.

To plan for a better future ...

... sometimes we have to learn from the past.

http://consortiumnews.com/2011/10/10/moving-beyond-war/

Another gig

Yes, somehow I got myself roped into another gig. More cover tunes (when will I ever learn?), close to 25 to be exact!

I have an entry coming up about the whole experience (one that builds on the my previous show thoughts).

Stay tuned ...

Forget all that Mad Men bullshit about what the '60's were like ...

... with all its revisionist and misandric bullshit.

If you're into fantasy and the 1960's, this is worth noting - on this day back in 1962 ...

1962 – Dr. No, the first in the James Bond film series, was released.

The story the American traditional media is trying in vain to have people ignore.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupy_Wall_Street

How much do you wanna bet much of the violent actions that have come about, have been instigated by the police, or are FBI plants in the crowd; all for the purposes of discrediting the movement among the American public?