Introduction
What a fucked up year. Certainly a lot of ups and downs. I think more downs than ups, but then again I am usually somewhat more pessimistic towards the end of the year.
Politics
I won't get into much about politics because this is the year where I really feel like the human race has entered a point of no return regarding climate change. Indeed I think the more appropriate term to use now is 'climate disaster' now, as once some turning points begin to unfold, we're really at a point where things will not return to as they were.
It's actually a really depressing thing - but one with which I've had some time to let set in, and as well realize that even aside from that, I still have much to give, and we as a human race still need to survive and thrive.
As well, I'm not very hopeful about the upcoming 2024 United States Presidential Election. I don't believe whomever is declared the 'winner' will be much of anything to celebrate.
Because US Capitalism isn't a democracy at all, I'm under no illusions that the 'elections' would be any real contest of sorts. The 1% that control US capitalism will do their usual efforts to ensure it will be a '2-way confrontation' in which they control both 'sides' (hence US capitalism is not a democracy, but rather the theater or illusion if democracy). But enough people out there who really believe that 'Democrat' and 'Republican' mean anything other than babyface or heel (or heel and babyface; that it makes no difference is the point) - are the ones that are really condemning us all to failure. The bottom line for me is that capitalism is incapable of addressing or solving the very problems it creates - like climate change. Unless the vast majority of people around the world collectively rise up against the rich and powerful and take over the means of production and resource distribution such that it's actually done democratically - nothing will change for the better.
Music
A mixed bag here. On the one hand, I elected to write a release of 10 songs based on a book I read. And I actually succeeded in writing the songs. The goal in 2024 will be to record them and hopefully get them out before the middle of the year. More to follow on that soon. For the first time, I paced myself and set both weekly and monthly goals. Naturally I got lazy at times, but managed to complete the work in the end. I always remind myself that when I'm really focused and dedicated, I can get practically anything done.
I did manage to complete writing a few other songs as well. No shortage of ideas either. And, in a strange twist, material that I thought I'd lost in 2021, turns out was magically on the computer hard drive all along. You can bet I made a copy of that and placed it on another drive for safe-keeping.
On the other hand, I didn't make much progress in terms of recording. Nor did my band either. It was another year of downs there. Sure I did get a real drum kit, and we start some recording. Some of the results were okay. I think though a lot of it I find frustrating. I feel at times like I want things to move faster, and want others involved to be more focused as well. But you can only ask so much from others.
Additionally, I feel like things get bogged down on details that that seem small to some, but are critical for me. For example, I'm of the opinion that when recording in the digital space, you should always have a click track in the background to keep everyone in time. Seems reasonable, but you'd be surprised how much wasted recording time, energy and effort was spent when this wasn't done. At times like this I feel very powerless. But it's part of the process of working with others - everyone has to learn and come into their own in their own time - and I have to accept that in the same way others do so for me.
Work
More of the same, and end-results just as lame. Of course my boss got a promotion and is highly regarded now. It's funny how I've been on this team for four years now, and everyone on our team has either been hired new, or promoted upwards except for yours truly. It's a grim reminder that it's a game, and that I intentionally handicap myself because I refuse to suck up and tow the corporate lines. And because those in authority around me do, hence that's why they are where they are. My only motivation for more money is to take care of my family - or so I tell myself. But it's actually more than that. If one has been in a vocation long enough - and are good at what they do - it's only natural to want to be both recognized and acknowledged as such by the powers above (that thing called respect). But I have to remind myself that working in a corporate environment isn't a meritocracy, and that people who typically are above you are there because they choose to go along with what the owners/executives want. I do have one thing going for me.
Now that our group is entering a new multi-year project, that very same 'towing a line' attitude the 'leadership' espouses is the very thing that will trip things up. Knowing this gives me some advantage, in that understanding this rationally - and using my critical thinking skills wisely and honestly - can help not only steer the project away from harm, but help me in the process. We'll see.
I did get my certifications from the prior year upgraded. And as far as work goes, I'm pretty much at the top of my game in terms of knowledge and skill (my secret is Free cell).
But back to my motivation, I have to push for more money. For the first time in a long time, I really got to see the higher cost of things really hit our bottom line. Put simply, everything is much more expensive now, and that would normally mean cutting back on things, right?
I did do one thing that was new. Because I work for a retail company as a support employer, I've never seen or experienced how the retail employees really do their work, and how much is really involved. Towards the end of the year, I finally bit the bullet and volunteered to perform a shift at my local retail location. It wasn't much for sure - I spent most of my time filling ice, emptying trash bins, refilling cups, wiping down tables, moping and brooming, and cleaning windows. But just being part of that and watching a crew working together and cohesively was eye-opening to say the least. And everyone I worked with was very open and easy to be around - they were very gracious. It certainly made me feel like my limited work was contributing in some small way. I hope to do more shifts in the near year.
Family
Well I got laid more often. Though it certainly wasn't because the Mrs finds me any more appealing than before. It happened because I wanted it and well - figuratively and literally - pushed my way through.
Oddly enough, despite the messed up family dynamics aside - we actually got a lot done. Kids are getting through school, and we made some trips to some of the normal places we go do, plus a couple of additional trips as well. But in the case of the latter, it wasn't exactly by choice.
I'll get into that more in a future post. But for now, let's just say that due to some family issues, some trips were needed and that ended up costing us. My bonus from last year got used up pretty fast when you factor in plane trips, car and shuttle rentals, meals, mortgages, clothes, etc.
Me
The ongoing neck issues were finally diagnosed as 'Cervical spondylosis' (neck arthritis). Yay me. After all the drama surrounding tests, treatments, issues regarding the digestive system, my heart, etc., it's good to know that I'm not gonna die anytime soon. It means lots of physical therapy, changes in diet, and more exercise. Which is all good and fine - let's just hope it can all be done.
I mean I've finally had to come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to look as I did before. I'm not the young person I once was - with a full head of hair and massive chest and legs, but I finally found a way to accept who I am. I did this by simply no longer caring about what other people think of me.
That all being said, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I still wear the same size pants I wore back in high school, and all my clothes have fit me for the past 20 years. Indeed I had to wear a suit for the first time in 13 years, and pulled it off without any issues.
Conclusion and next steps
- Begin recording drum parts for the 10 songs I wrote in 2023.
- Contact a potential recording/audio engineer to help expedite the process.
- Work to identify potential musicians who could assist.
- Continue pushing my band to record its songs.
- Stay at pace for writing another release of 10 songs - the goal is to complete writing at least one song per month.
- Stay focused on my goals at work, and focus no longer on others and how well they do, and more on ensuring my goals and work is done to my very best and honestly.
- Get my health in order and get back to being physically more fit.
