When I was young(er), I spent a lot of time on public transportation mediums, which I still do today.
Buses, subways, trains, cars, vans, you name it.
In in that time - at least when I was young - even though I never really considered myself to be the ultimate gift to the opposite sex, at least I thought there were parts of me that could be considered attractive and appealing. And that whatever deficiencies the rest of me had, I could make up for it in charm.
I figured it was hard enough. Being a non-white man in a society dominated by white women and having limitations, I figured I already had a strike or two against me.
I guess what I'm saying is, despite all that, I always thought - in time I'll get my share as long as I retain those physical attributes that could keep me appealing.
Well over the last few weeks, I've come to realize that ship has sailed.
The parts of me that I thought would visually give me an advantage have gone (all other areas stay hidden as I'm not a pervert). I'm looked upon as I see myself now- an old(er) non-white man with glasses and thus not very appealing or interesting.
So it's no surprise that pretty much any woman I see in said public transportation mediums that I may find remotely attractive will almost always never ever look upon me with interest, nor ever find me attractive or ever sit near me.
Granted, I've never expected anyone to just come up to me and flirt. I mean after all, I've lived this long in life without ever being hit on by anyone. But like I said before, I always assumed if I kept some of those visual appeal, even if I aged, I'd still be considered hot.
But no. Not anymore.
Should any of this matter? Should I really care? After all, I am a grown man. I am a responsible adult. Even if some woman were to hit on me, I'm never going to follow through with anything other than just being polite and even-keeled.
But there's this part of me that always thought that some parts of me would always drive women crazy - yes it's a delusion I know.
At least now I know it really WAS a delusion, in that now I know it's over. In a sense, perhaps that's one of the true definitions of middle age. That is, knowing there are somethings in your life you can never go back to, or never be.
Perhaps in time I'll become more mature and accept this and move on. But as with anything in my life, it will take time.
Buses, subways, trains, cars, vans, you name it.
In in that time - at least when I was young - even though I never really considered myself to be the ultimate gift to the opposite sex, at least I thought there were parts of me that could be considered attractive and appealing. And that whatever deficiencies the rest of me had, I could make up for it in charm.
I figured it was hard enough. Being a non-white man in a society dominated by white women and having limitations, I figured I already had a strike or two against me.
I guess what I'm saying is, despite all that, I always thought - in time I'll get my share as long as I retain those physical attributes that could keep me appealing.
Well over the last few weeks, I've come to realize that ship has sailed.
The parts of me that I thought would visually give me an advantage have gone (all other areas stay hidden as I'm not a pervert). I'm looked upon as I see myself now- an old(er) non-white man with glasses and thus not very appealing or interesting.
So it's no surprise that pretty much any woman I see in said public transportation mediums that I may find remotely attractive will almost always never ever look upon me with interest, nor ever find me attractive or ever sit near me.
Granted, I've never expected anyone to just come up to me and flirt. I mean after all, I've lived this long in life without ever being hit on by anyone. But like I said before, I always assumed if I kept some of those visual appeal, even if I aged, I'd still be considered hot.
But no. Not anymore.
Should any of this matter? Should I really care? After all, I am a grown man. I am a responsible adult. Even if some woman were to hit on me, I'm never going to follow through with anything other than just being polite and even-keeled.
But there's this part of me that always thought that some parts of me would always drive women crazy - yes it's a delusion I know.
At least now I know it really WAS a delusion, in that now I know it's over. In a sense, perhaps that's one of the true definitions of middle age. That is, knowing there are somethings in your life you can never go back to, or never be.
Perhaps in time I'll become more mature and accept this and move on. But as with anything in my life, it will take time.
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