Watches and umbrellas.

I seem to have had bad luck with keeping watches and umbrellas. It must be me.

I mean, when it comes to watches, I think I've had easily over a 100 different ones since I started wearing them when I was going into high school. And it's not that all of them were cheap, no. Some of them were really good watches - over $100. Admittedly some lasted more than a couple of years, but others don't last more than a few months.

And it's always something - batteries going dead, straps breaking or cracking, cuffs ripping, the glass fracturing, or the watch simply stops working period. Looking at that, one could swear I spend all day throwing the things around at walls or off buses. But no. I simply wear them on my wrist, and the same one every day.

The Mrs. proposed that it could be because I wear them, even at night, that the heat from my skin causes them to wear out faster than normal. But see the thing is, as a man, I'd not feel right without one on (obviously the exception is in the shower or bath). It goes back to what I've watched. In pretty much every TV show or movie bedroom scene I see, the woman even when unclothed always has on jewelery or nail polish or something; while the man, is naked. I never liked that. I always felt that there was a sense of inequality to that, and so whenever I've been in bed with a woman, I always felt somewhat less naked with a watch on.

Ok - I know. More information that you'd care to read. Well leave then.

Maybe I've seen too many 007 movies where Sean Connery or Roger Moore would have on a swanky Rolex or Seiko watch after banging some fluzzy-de-jour, such that I equate that with being a man.

But anyways, watches should not be so fragile. I expect they should be made of better stuff, and last longer. Perhaps one day I'll plunk down some real cash and get something nice.

Then there's umbrellas.

I've gotten and tried just about every kind over the last 10 years. The always rip, the structure always crack whether they're metal or fiberglass, they never stay clean, they are either too tall to fit in a back pack when not in use, or they're too small to cover my large head and keep it dry. And it doesn't help that in the Pacific Northwest, it doesn't really rain as it's more windy and misty all the fucking time. So I look like a fucking tourist because I use one (I've never been keen on raincoat because I don't like hoods. Plus I wear glasses.).

The ideal umbrella should be sturdy - it should be able to not blow up in a strong wind.

It should be wide - I should be able to keep most of my upper body dry.

It should be able to fit in a back pack - you'd be amazed how many times I've been caught out on what turned out to be a dry day and walking around like a bigger idiot than normal holding an umbrella.

And it should be black. I'm not sure if there's any scientific or business reason why black seems to work, except that it looks a lot better than pretty much everything else.

What is the alternative then?